I Lose My Erection Without Manual Stimulation During Sex

"I am a 73-year-old male with erection problems. I can enjoy sex with erections using Cialis and good lubrication, but I lose my erection quickly when either I or my wife stop the manual stimulation. It’s frustrating as I have to continue the manual stimulation — in other words, masturbation — to the point of no return prior to vaginal penetration. Is this normal for a geriatric male? I do get a satisfying ejaculation/orgasm. If I continue manual penile stimulation after withdrawal, it seems to give extra pleasuring sensation."

"I am Catholic. Sometime ejaculation occurs outside the vagina, but my priest confessor told me it is not a serious sin, assuaging my conscience. As you may know, our Church frowns upon masturbation."

Joan answers:

I want to respect your religious beliefs, but since you asked me instead of your priest, I must answer as a sex educator and avid proponent of lifelong sexual pleasure. Yes, it’s common that as we age, we need more stimulation for arousal and orgasm, and that’s just the way it is. There’s nothing immoral about needing to assist yourself during sex. You’re not breaking marriage vows or doing anything harmful to yourself or others. You’re just giving yourself a hand (so to speak) because you need the extra sensation. You’ve found a way that works for you, and that’s great.

Masturbation is so common that I don’t understand why some religions try to stifle it. People do it anyway; they just feel guilty about it. As Joycelyn Elders, former Surgeon General of the United States, says, "We know that more than seventy to eighty percent of women masturbate, and ninety percent of men masturbate, and the rest lie."