Tired Of One-Sided Sex

I’m finding sex to be more trouble than it’s worth lately. I’m a woman, 66, and my male partner of eight years is 72. He has had ED issues since before we met. We’ve managed to have a sort-of sex life these past years with Cialis. He can’t maintain an erection strong enough for penetration, which is something I miss. But he still enjoys oral sex and wants way more sex than I do. I don’t really enjoy oral sex, especially when it’s one sided. How can I get myself interested in sex again when I just want to sleep?

Joan answers:

I think the problem with your sex life isn’t your partner’s ED — it’s that the sexual pleasure, from what you say, is only his. Perhaps you might not be so disinterested if the two of you explored how to arouse and satisfy you. Tell your partner, “Don’t take Cialis this time. Let’s both focus on my pleasure, instead of centering sex around your erection.” Help him know the kind of touch you’d like and give him feedback, especially if this is a new way of having sex.

If penetrative sex is important for your pleasure, explore using a dildo that is either shaped like a penis or not, your preference. See the many dildo shape and size options at Tantus, for example. You or your partner can insert the dildo manually, or he can wear a strap-on for intercourse. Most important, let him know what does and doesn’t work for you.

As for wanting to sleep, if you’re having sex at night, try different times of day when you’re more alert and interested. Read my senior sex tip, “Track the Tingle” for more.